Yesterday was our visit with Jake. It went really well. I'd told Onna about it last week, which was probably a mistake, because it seemed like forever to her to wait a whole week. On Friday evening she was really mad at me after her bath because she wanted to see Jake "right now!" I explained that she would get to see Jake tomorrow and finally she was able to settle down a go to sleep.
We arrived at McDonald's in Madison at about 2:50 p.m. I was hoping to arrive a few minutes before them, but when we got there I realized they were already there and eating. As I got out and walked around the car to get Onna out of her car seat, Jake came outside to meet us. He was very excited to see Onna! We went inside and I quick ordered Onna a happy meal. Next Friday is Jake's birthday and I had a computer game (Who Wants to be a Millionaire for Kids) that I'd bought a long time ago for him. I'd bought that because I figured it would be something that would be easy to mail. Well, when he called and I realized that I'd see him this close to his birthday, I decided to take it along. Onna had picked out a card and colored a picture. I put in the picture with blue frosting all over her mouth. He'd also gotten the birthday gift card from Toys R Us, but since I'd signed him up for the birthday club before the divorce, it comes to my address now. Onna recognized Jeffrey on it and thought it was for her, so she'd ripped the envelope open. So I had that to give to him too. My mom and family also sent a card along. Well, anyway, I had my hands full, so I gave all the stuff to Jake and he took it in to where they were sitting while we ordered. Then we sat down after we got our food. Jake was wondering why the envelope was ripped open. After I explained it, he thought it was really funny. He was amazed that she recognized Jeffrey. She also recognized Mickey and Pluto on his wrapping paper, and he was surprised about that too. Onna didn't seem shy at all. She knew who Jake was, and was anxious to play with him. She ate about 4 french fries and wanted to slide. Usually I make her eat first, but under the circumstances, I let her go.
She knew that Jake was going to be there with "his" grandma Sue. I don't think she had any idea that Sue is her Grandma too. Sue was very well behaved and explained the "reason" for the visit. She said that a few days before Jake called me he'd gotten in trouble at school. He was playing with a group of 4th graders and wouldn't allow a 2nd grader to play with them. The teacher called him in to talk. The teacher asked if he knew who it felt to be left out. Jake replied, "Left out, yeah I know how it feels to be left out. I don't get to see my brother, I don't get to see my dad, and now I don't even get to see my sister! So yeah, I know how it feels to be left OUT!" So Sue said that after that conversation she decided that if it was bothering Jake that much he could call me if he wanted to. That was pretty much the only reference that Sue made to Andy the entire time.
We were there for 1 hour and 40 minutes. Onna was in the booth for 10-15 minutes, and other than that she was in PlayLand with Jake. That means that Sue and I were alone in the booth for the majority of the time. That was difficult at first. I'd spent the entire time driving over praying that God would give the the right words to say (and not to say) to make the visit go smoothly. I think the visit went very well. We talked about Onna's development, her daycare (the good things, not the bites), Jake's progress in school (which sounds really good).
She asked about my second degree and whether or not I'm going to finish it. We discussed the pros and cons about it. Sue's taken a lot of college courses and so she has a good understanding of what it takes to be successful in school. We had a nice discussion about it, and it was nice to get "honest" feedback from her. Her opinion was similar to mine in that, since I really love what I'm doing right now, I'm not sure that it's worth the investment to go on and do something else. The time went really fast, and before long we realized that we probably should be going. Jake held it together, but struggled to keep from crying. I told him that it was good to see him and that we would be thinking of him. He said, "Especially on April 27th!" I said that maybe Onna could call him if that would be okay. Sue then said that they could actually have a conversation with her now because she talks so much!
We arrived at McDonald's in Madison at about 2:50 p.m. I was hoping to arrive a few minutes before them, but when we got there I realized they were already there and eating. As I got out and walked around the car to get Onna out of her car seat, Jake came outside to meet us. He was very excited to see Onna! We went inside and I quick ordered Onna a happy meal. Next Friday is Jake's birthday and I had a computer game (Who Wants to be a Millionaire for Kids) that I'd bought a long time ago for him. I'd bought that because I figured it would be something that would be easy to mail. Well, when he called and I realized that I'd see him this close to his birthday, I decided to take it along. Onna had picked out a card and colored a picture. I put in the picture with blue frosting all over her mouth. He'd also gotten the birthday gift card from Toys R Us, but since I'd signed him up for the birthday club before the divorce, it comes to my address now. Onna recognized Jeffrey on it and thought it was for her, so she'd ripped the envelope open. So I had that to give to him too. My mom and family also sent a card along. Well, anyway, I had my hands full, so I gave all the stuff to Jake and he took it in to where they were sitting while we ordered. Then we sat down after we got our food. Jake was wondering why the envelope was ripped open. After I explained it, he thought it was really funny. He was amazed that she recognized Jeffrey. She also recognized Mickey and Pluto on his wrapping paper, and he was surprised about that too. Onna didn't seem shy at all. She knew who Jake was, and was anxious to play with him. She ate about 4 french fries and wanted to slide. Usually I make her eat first, but under the circumstances, I let her go.
She knew that Jake was going to be there with "his" grandma Sue. I don't think she had any idea that Sue is her Grandma too. Sue was very well behaved and explained the "reason" for the visit. She said that a few days before Jake called me he'd gotten in trouble at school. He was playing with a group of 4th graders and wouldn't allow a 2nd grader to play with them. The teacher called him in to talk. The teacher asked if he knew who it felt to be left out. Jake replied, "Left out, yeah I know how it feels to be left out. I don't get to see my brother, I don't get to see my dad, and now I don't even get to see my sister! So yeah, I know how it feels to be left OUT!" So Sue said that after that conversation she decided that if it was bothering Jake that much he could call me if he wanted to. That was pretty much the only reference that Sue made to Andy the entire time.
We were there for 1 hour and 40 minutes. Onna was in the booth for 10-15 minutes, and other than that she was in PlayLand with Jake. That means that Sue and I were alone in the booth for the majority of the time. That was difficult at first. I'd spent the entire time driving over praying that God would give the the right words to say (and not to say) to make the visit go smoothly. I think the visit went very well. We talked about Onna's development, her daycare (the good things, not the bites), Jake's progress in school (which sounds really good).
She asked about my second degree and whether or not I'm going to finish it. We discussed the pros and cons about it. Sue's taken a lot of college courses and so she has a good understanding of what it takes to be successful in school. We had a nice discussion about it, and it was nice to get "honest" feedback from her. Her opinion was similar to mine in that, since I really love what I'm doing right now, I'm not sure that it's worth the investment to go on and do something else. The time went really fast, and before long we realized that we probably should be going. Jake held it together, but struggled to keep from crying. I told him that it was good to see him and that we would be thinking of him. He said, "Especially on April 27th!" I said that maybe Onna could call him if that would be okay. Sue then said that they could actually have a conversation with her now because she talks so much!
Throughout the visit she thanked me three or four times for bringing her over. She commented that she was very smart, and that her glasses make her look even more so. Onna sang her ABCs and and Twinkle, Twinkle. She counted to 10 and sang the Barney song. She was impressed that she's potty trained. Sue made no attempted to hold Onna, or even hug her. She said to Onna once, that "Grandma hasn't seen you for a long time." but I don't think that Onna realized that she was talking about herself as grandma. There was no mention of Andy getting out on MONDAY, and no mention of any future visits. Like I said I think things went well. I wish that we could see Jake more, and that she would trust me to spend some one-on-one time with him. Maybe someday.
I couldn't get the kids to come out of PlayLand to take pictures, so I climbed in. Here they are playing together.
I couldn't get the kids to come out of PlayLand to take pictures, so I climbed in. Here they are playing together.
I am so glad everything went good and that it wasn't for not good reasons. Onna looks so happy with him. I was so worried for you about this visit especially with Sue. Jake has change quite a bit in looks since the last pic I seen of him. I hope that Andy doesn't be a butt when he gets out. And I pray that Onna and Jake can see each other more often, especially one on one with you.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad thing's went so well. It is great they got to see eachother and that Sue was as good as she was!! I feel so bad for Jake being caught up in the middle of everything!! He has gotten so big!! Hopefully they can get together more often now!!
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